Discernment and Balance in Relationships

Balance-in-Relationships-300x240Once you have learn t the evolved soul’s lesson of compassion then you are up and running! You find it easy to care for others; you open your heart and let the love pour out; you do whatever you can to make other people feel good; you devote yourself to giving, sharing and helping; and you do your utmost to be unconditional. And then you fall flat on your face and have an emotional melt down! Ha ha. In all the giving you have forgotten to keep a balance in your life and you have been so busy thinking of others you have failed to think of yourself – your energy; your physical needs and your own emotional needs. It’s a trap that trips up every kind and open-hearted person I know.

When we give to people who people who are grateful and who give back love and appreciation then it’s easy. These people make you feel good in every way and hopefully all your closest friends and family fall into this category. But if you have one that doesn’t – someone who seems reluctant to pick up the phone or initiate the texting dialogue or who is more focused on self-interest than you or other people, then your relationship can fall out of balance. Because of their apparent rejection of your kindness you may find that you get angry and resentful which in turn makes you feel guilty and you beat yourself up because you’re doing your utmost to keep kind and loving and you do not want to feel those disruptive negative emotions. So what started as a flow of love can turn into a flow of vitriol! Not balanced and actually not very spiritual at all!

So what is the answer? You don’t want to change your nature and you don’t want to revert to being uncaring and unkind. You also may not be able to walk away from this relationship, especially if it’s a member of your family. Here are a few tips to ensure you don’t get your heart broken by those that are close to you and how you can keep your relationship in balance.

  • Drop your level of expectations from this person. Most suffering comes from unfulfilled expectations and we often put them too high on those close to us. Not everyone is able to give unconditionally and most people have some character traits that can be irritating or upsetting. You may have set the bar too high for this person.
  • If your friend does not act like you expect a friend to act then re-categorise them; take them out of the box marked friends and put them into the box of acquaintances! Then your expectations from them will be less, you will spend less time with them and you will not feel the need to give so much and you will also expect less.
  • Moderate your own actions and attitudes towards your friends. Remember that if you go too far and give too much then you can put the other person on the spot – they may not have the same resources as you of money or time and they will start to feel guilty. This will make them back off and again bring the relationship out of balance.
  • Take a step back. If the person is upsetting you with their behaviour and attitude towards you then take a step back, seal your energy with a bubble with thick walls and duck when they get angry with you – if you know they are going through a challenging time don’t take what they say personally as they are probably venting their own negative feelings on the one that is nearest to them.
  • If the person who has upset you is a member of the family visualise them in a golden bubble – a Perspex dome that holds them a beautiful place – I use a field filled with flowers in the sunshine. Send them love but keep your distance as much as you can but be open to receiving them back when they are ready to treat you well.
  • Get rid of your own negativity caused by the actions of others. Write everything you feel down and then burn it. See your tears flowing into the Earth to be recycled!
  • Put yourself on your list of those you intend to be loving and caring towards. And please, not the bottom of the list!

Finally be discerning in your choice of friends and companions where you can. Also be discerning in what you do for people who do not appreciate your kindness. Continue to be compassionate, loving and giving but choose carefully who you give so much of yourself to.

Love and hugs Anne xxxx

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