To make a long story short, I am going to use a metaphor to illustrate my life.
Let’s say: There is a big party planned, and absolutely all the people I know are invited, except me.
Finally my phone rings and I am being talked about this party, only to be asked if I can baby sit.
The person who is calling me i , of course forgetting my name and calling me by another name.
I accept the baby sitting, I need the money, I have nothing else to do and I love kids.
The day after the party this is likely things are going to happen this way :
- People are coming to pick up their kids later than agreed , muuuuuuuuch later
- They will spend a long time explaining how much fun they had
- They will try to get away with not paying me
- Or not paying what was agreed on
- Or pay me later because they had some many expenses these last days with this party
- They will probably say : oh dear Sandrine , (not my name) you are Sooooooooo grumpy today
- I will end up spending the money I just made on medical treatment getting a bug from one of the kids, probably the one who threw up on my beige coach
- I will spend the rest of the week chanting, praying and meditating to try not to cry
- Then meet someone who will ask “why didn’t you come to the party? Oh right you weren’t invited silly me!!!!!“
- Then cry
This applies to all the aspects of my life, relationships, men, work, family, money….
I am getting old and tired and I am really wondering is that bad karma? Acurse? Will it ever, ever change for the better?
Or is this pain due all my life?
When I read your letter I felt a great sadness in my heart. I pondered on your situation for a few days and then I remembered something that happened to me when I was fifteen years old. To give the situation a context let me say that I was living in London with my parents, an only child and although I had friends I only had once close one. Her name was Sandra and from 11 to 15 we had more or less shared all our social experiences (not many in those days!) She was the first one to get a boyfriend. He had a big social circle. I remember the day very well – I can still feel the rejection in my heart when on a Monday morning she said to me “We had a wonderful party this weekend. Tony said I should I have asked you. Sorry.” I felt that I had been stabbed. I smiled and said “No to worry, its fine.” I went home and cried for hours. This was my first experience of rejection and at the time I felt betrayed. What did it do for me? It made me decide not to rely on any person again ever! I decided to get out on my own and make some new friends. I went alone to a number of youth clubs and found that although I didn’t meet anyone special I could survive and I could have a life without depending on another person. There have been many times in my life when I have been alone and that lesson has stood me in great stead. I haven’t always been happy but I have felt able to dig into my own resources.
Since that time I have learnt that we are here to learn lessons, to grow and to become stronger – emotionally and spiritually. I have learnt that we are stubborn and that only through a challenge can we wake up and change, either the way we feel or the way we see things. It’s when we see things differently that we grow. When we are challenged we have a choice – we can hold onto the emotions that come from the trauma or we can express them and release them and see what lesson there is in the experience. If we hold on then another challenge will come and another – creating a pattern.
I recently spoke to a teenage girl who is close to us. She had cancelled a driving lesson I had paid for because she had a fight with her mother the previous day. As we would say, shooting herself in the foot or cutting off her nose to spite her face! I told her that while she blames her mother and punishes her, she is punishing herself. This is a hard old world to live in and we have to take all our resources, our courage, all our determination, all our opportunities and self-support systems and get out there and make the best of it. She got my point.
Once we take on this sense of self responsibility another road is open to us and that is one that has light and laughter, fulfilment and strength.
The emotions we hold act as magnets and will keep on attracting more of the same.
So my darling Francine – I am not going to tell you what to do other than look for the lesson that these experiences are showing you. Clear out old emotions by writing down the feelings and burning them, transforming them to light this will set your intention to release and move on.
I am sending you love and healing to help you and you might like to connect to my monthly healing events where I will be sending out the strength to make it out there, the love to heal the wounds and the support to know that you are never alone. You are now in my heart and you will stay there.
Love and hugs