We all know that fears are debilitating, limiting and hamper our progress. They cause stress and they serve no good purpose other than act as a challenge and a chance to grow – (Oh, Yeh!) Over the years I have faced most of mine and gradually ticked them off as I stepped up to them or was forced to face them by life’s twists and turns. Fear of caves and underground places – cleared by my desire to stay overnight in the Pyramids and the hidden chamber deep underground. Fear of horses – was asked to heal one and compassion put me forward for that one. Fear of heights – the mountain roads of Tibet more or less sorted out that one. And so on. Without feeling too smug I congratulated myself on clearing all the ones that had given me trouble in the past when wham bam along came my greatest fear of all – my fear of anyone touching my eyes! Not so unusual I know but I palpitate, shake, feel sick (in fact have actually been sick) and am prone to faint just hearing about eye operations. I was pretty sure this was as a result of an eye gauging experience from a past life – some sort of persecution I thought but I always pushed the fear away and down back into its box in my subconscious.
Facing the Fear
For the last few weeks I had been experiencing black dots in my right eye that I put down to bits of mascara. So stopped using mascara. Then little swirls of what look like rain drops on glass appeared. Then finally I thought I was in a thunderstorm as I saw flashes of lightening in my right eye. After ignoring these for a couple of days last Saturday I Googled my symptoms! Detached retina – OMG. Worst still I looked at the treatments offered! I rang Marcos a friend of mine who is a consultant with a firm that manufactures and installs eye scanning machines and he confirmed my diagnosis. Immediately I could feel the rush of fear through my body. Fear and the sensations it manifests started to take over: spikes of sharp pain coming up from my legs up through my stomach, heart palpitating and beating so fast I thought my chest would burst, difficulty in breathing as though I was in deep freeze and others as well – I am sure you know them all. I also noticed that although there should be no pain with the symptoms I felt as though there was a deep pain and ache in my eye – which is where psychosomatic illness comes from – my mind was telling me there was a pain even when none existed but it was a pure translation of the energies of fear. The mind and brain collude is a wicked way – taking an impulse of a negative emotion and turning it into a pain!
I asked some friends of mine to send me calming and reassuring energies and phoned an optician for an appointment for a scan. He told me to go straight to the casualty eye clinic at Southampton General Hospital as he said it was urgent and if I didn’t have treatment immediately I could go blind – wow I was on overload now! More reassuring and calming energies, a sympathetic and practical husband, a half an hour drive to the hospital only to be told there that nothing could be done over the weekend and I was sent off with an early appointment for Monday morning. I spent the rest of Saturday and Sunday working on stress relief, deep breathing and reading up on my condition. One of the treatments is an injection in the eyeball – HELP!!!
But when Monday came I had calmed down, brought my Higher Self into play – or thought I had and in a calm and balanced way presented myself at the clinic. But although I managed to appear calm something else was going on underneath just like the duck with the calm exterior while the feet are working like mad beneath the surface. The first part of the investigation process was eye drops that felt like acid. I tried to be brave but my eyes kept closing to block out the drops – ha ha – they are very smart eyes. Eventually we got them in and my heart went into overdrive just as the nurse took my blood pressure. “Good heavens”, she said, “your blood pressure is very high – do you normally suffer from high BP?” “No only when I am terrified” I said laughing nervously. Three times she retook it – 212 over 102 – apparently that’s not good and caused her some distress too! They were threatening me with a trip to A & E and asking about chest pains by now. I tried to explain that it was sheer terror that was the problem but they were fixated on the BP level with a morbid fascination that I could look so well but have such alarming results!
Eventually they decided to do the eye scan. The great news was that yes I have a problem but no they won’t do anything about it unless I start to lose my sight. I personally think they believed I would have a heart attack right there and then if they started talking about treatments let alone do any. With a letter for my GP and a firm promise that I would see him asap I left the hospital on wings. Needless to say by the time I saw my doctor my BP was more or less back to a normal reading. However, I decided that I would really have to do something about this fear as it was obviously totally out of hand. So I booked a session with my friend Sashi Radley who is a great healer and hypnotherapist.
Past Life Imprints
Sashi took me back to the life time where the problem began and I witnessed myself as a spiritual teacher – probably an early Christian – being dragged into the desert where I was tied to a stake and pelted with stones and had spikes driven into my eyes. I managed to get through this without another trip to A & E and I could feel the fear leaving me as Sashi talked me through the healing and replaying the scene with a different ending – where I saw pure sunlight entering my eyes – burning a little but no pain.
After I left that lifetime and still in my meditative state I was taken up and beyond the separation of light and dark to the place where it is just pure light. I was shown that fears and all negative energies that we create with anxiety, fear, desire, greed etc are part of the energies of the Earth plane and that we have a choice whether we connect to the streams of light or the streams of darkness (the good and evil of scriptures). There is also a vibration of darkness of another form that is the heavy destructive energy that is channelled through some people from dark spiritual forces (masters of darkness) that attacks people, families or even nations with curses, malevolent actions and black magic. I could see that a lot of light workers are attacked by this energy to stop them achieving the work they have come to do.
I don’t know the full difference of these two energy streams only that there is a lot of this low dark vibration around the world at the moment and that so many people are overwhelmed by it. I was asked to use the highest form of light to dissolve it where I can. I guess I will share more of this when it’s clearer to me but I do know that every day I get requests for help to clear this really dark heavy energy and it’s quite amazing how many people are affected by it. I have recorded a couple of healing sessions to clear this dark energy and you will find them on my You Tube Channel.
I can’t tell you if I am fully healed of my eye fear but I do know that the insights and the energies that I received are feeling great and almost make the whole experience worthwhile (no I am joking) they are worth so much and I am delighted to be sharing them!
Just to finish by saying that it’s really important to recognise your fears and set about clearing them for they truly are debilitating and limiting and if you don’t clear them this lifetime you will surely have to come back and clear them next time.
Big hugs and lots of love