I was recently invited to submit a chapter to a book being produced in US by the online Energy Healing Magazine. They had several suggestions for chapter topics, and I chose to write about Learning to Love Yourself First. This appealed to me as it’s a struggle highlighted by many of my clients – how to be spiritual, be kind and loving but also to take care of yourself. I have recently been a co-creator for a musical, Artaban, the Fourth Wise Man, and in that story I have written songs for a character who spends his life giving to others but finding that his own goals, love life and dreams are often side-lined by the sacrifices he feels he needs to make for others. So, you could say, it’s a subject much in my consciousness at the moment!
Balance and the Middle Way
I am a great believer in the Middle Way, the Buddhist philosophy of following the path at the point of balance – in this situation finding the path of not too much sacrifice and not too much self-indulgence. Loving others and sharing your time and love with other people, family, friends and strangers but also spending time and attention to yourself. However, if you are troubled by memories of painful rejection or been subjected to verbal and emotional abuse that has left you feeling unlovable, unworthy, unattractive – you will find it difficult to love yourself. Many of us subconsciously are looking for approval and acceptance from others to help recover from these issues of low self-esteem. This need can turn you towards being a “people pleaser” and that takes you far from the loving yourself route. If this is your situation then I suggest you start with setting an intention to heal the causes of your sacrificial behaviour; why don’t you love yourself or accept yourself just as you are? Is it because of the way you have been treated? Is it because of the criticism and judgement of other people? Are you too critical and expecting too much of yourself? If any of this is true of yourself then set your intention of healing the underlying root causes of your self-judgment and make a plan to recover a positive perspective of yourself.
Disconnection from your Higher Self and Guidance
A reason you may find it difficult to accept or love yourself is your disconnection from your Higher Self. Your Higher Self holds your higher consciousness, your life plan, your soul purpose and your intuition, which connects to a huge reservoir of knowledge gained from many lifetimes. To be happy, vital and balanced you need this connection to be clear and open. Your disconnection can occur when you have been upset by other people’s treatment of you, at work, home or on the social scene. It may be caused by fear, worry or grief. When I was recently worried about Tony my husband when he was very ill, I found it hard to meditate and I know it was because I had fallen into my emotions which took me from my place of balance and connection to my spiritual guidance. I had to make a special effort to focus on the bigger picture of what was going on and detach myself from the fear that was gripping me. Once I refocused and reconnected I felt a sense of peace and I could cope again. If you think you are disconnected then follow my meditation on the recording of this blog on my podcast channel. I can also recommend you do the Morning Ritual that Protects, opens and connects you to your Higher Self Wisdom see my youtube channel. link
The Barriers of Guilt and Shame
Guilt and shame are the most destructive emotions when it come to self-love and acceptance. They create huge barriers to loving and respecting yourself. Use forgiveness to help you release these emotions. The most powerful form of forgiveness that I have come across is the Hawaiian prayer of forgiveness Ho’oponopono, this is just perfect for restoring self-love.
Say this to yourself in front of a mirror for ten minutes every day –
Please forgive me
I love you
An interpretation of the prayer goes like this:
I’m sorry you are not the person I expected you to be. Forgive me for expecting you to be different, I love you just the way you are, thank you for being you and for teaching me so much.
I’m sorry for whatever programming is in me that created this event. Please forgive my being unconscious to my own thought processes, thank you for releasing this programming from my being, I love you and I am retuning to source and wiping my inner white board clean.
My contribution on loving yourself to the book holds more suggestions for rituals and healing you can do for yourself to recover a fully and healthy relationship with yourself.
You can purchase the book ‘The World of Energy Healing’ from Energy Healing Magazine
Go to my podcast for my meditation to release your karma with guilt and shame, clear your own negative thought forms about yourself, clear the programming that has encouraged you to have them, heal the imprints and memories from past bullying, rejection and emotional abuse that is behind your attitude towards yourself and connect to your Higher Self.
Sent with love