Managing a Narcissist, Selfish, Needy or Jealous Mother

Dear Anne,
I like your work very much.
I do not know whether you can suggest anything for me, but I am tired of feeling like this – it has gone on for years.
I would not normally believe in curses but after years of being around my mother I realise her aim in this life is to cause me as much suffering as possible. I have always likened the situation similar to being around 25 jealous women and like you are in deep water kicking vigorously trying to keep your head above water.


Oh dear, it would seem you have a narcissist mother, bless you. She finds it almost impossible to genuinely love you and care about you as she is pre-occupied with herself. This comes from a deep seated insecurity and fear that she will not have enough, love, control or power and as you are the nearest and most vulnerable she will hook into your energy and use you as a power source. You are vulnerable because you are sort of trapped by the fact you are her daughter and therefore society and conventions expect you to love and care for her as they would expect her to love and care for you. This is a very challenging life experience and I have come to the conclusion that everyone has to go through this in one lifetime. The aim is for you to learn how to protect your energy, keep hold of your own essence and shine your light despite the “vampire-style” actions and the desire of one that is close to you who tries to dominate, control and use your energies either through physical restraints and abuse or through emotional and mental manipulations. The good news is that once you have learnt how to do this you will not have this challenge again in any lifetime! However, it’s a serious challenge to manage!

So how to do this. Firstly you need to realise that you cannot change her. This is the way she is and will probably stay into the foreseeable future. So ACCEPT. You don’t have to like her you know, it’s not compulsory to like your mother! If you consider the number of really nasty people out in the world a lot of them are someone’s mother! From a spiritual perspective ideally you accept her, tolerate her and ensure that she doesn’t impact your own sense of self-love and respect. You need to avoid anger, resentment and any negative emotion for that will deplete you and give her even more power. So a sense of indifference and tolerance is the way to go. The more you fight with her or argue the more difficult this will become.

Protect your energy
Every day encase yourself with a protective shield. I have a book Protect Yourself on and its full of ways to do this. I like the Blue Flame of Archangel Michael for this purpose and also the egg as it will shield you from emotional outbursts. You need to see through her and let her energies flow over your head. Think of a four letter word when she starts – DUCK! Avoidance and protection are the way to go and understanding why she is doing what she does will help.

Avoid being manipulated
Again as you see why she does what she does so see who you are. Realise that you are a strong and large force of light and your spirit cannot be touched by anything of a negative nature even from your own mother. Whatever she says hold this in your mind. Smile and shine your light on her. Every time you react you encourage more of the same treatment.

Cut the controlling cords
She has entwined and bound you with chains of expectation and need and she will do her best to blame you or she may act out the possessive mother masked with love and care. You obviously have worked out how she gets your energy and your power. Whatever way she uses you need to clear the attachments of cords of need, blame, jealousy etc. and you can do this.

  • Firstly set your intention to release yourself from her power – you can do this by writing down your intention that you will no longer be affected by her jealousy, neediness and her fears and then say this out loud four times to send out a positive confirmation of your intentions.
  • Then write down all your feelings about the way she has treated you since childhood.
  • Burn this writing and as you do again intend that all these feelings and emotions are leaving you for good, never to return. See the flame of the fire as a transformation of the negative feelings
  • Then tie a thread around your wrist to symbolise the cords and hooks that she has put around you and say out loud “I release and let go all negative attachments, cords and bonds from my mother now, right now, right now”

Retrieving your essence
If you feel she has absorbed part of who you are then you might find my latest healing session Reclaiming your soul/spirit/essence will help get yourself back together again.

I do hope this helps you. This is a difficult situation and it needs courage and determination but keep in mind you are a being of light and that will always outshine the darkness of other people’s negativity.

Love and blessings
Anne xxxx


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